Down the Rabbit Hole
by Raychel
Summary: This is very intense, not like any of my others. It's rated M. Summary is, there is a serial rapist who will soon target the women of SVU. What event will crush possibilities? E/O old characters from SVU will appear, WARNINGS: M language, sexual content
1. Chapter 1

**AN: MMMkay I know that I just started a new one but this one just had to be written... I could not stop it... it's M for a reason. Please tell me what you think, do you want me to continue... reviews mean writing... I am updating my other stories right now.**

Elliot Stabler stared at his partner Olivia Benson failing to hide the way his eyes scaled hers as well as her nose, cheeks... lips. If she was pretending not to feel him studying her she was doing a damn good job. Elliot wondered if she even knew how beautiful she was, they way she pursed her lips whenever she was thinking hard, rubbed her neck when she was getting tired but refused to quit. Olivia did not act like she knew that she was gorgeous and that made Elliot want her more. He wanted to pull her into one of the interrogation rooms, mess up her perfectly pony tailed hair and taste her lips, he wanted to devour her and she had no idea.

"It's late." Olivia said, however Elliot did not hear the words, he only saw her lips move and he squinted, tearing his eyes away.

"What?" He asked her and she sighed, looking at him.

"It's late, you should get home." Olivia sounded like she cared, she sounded like she wanted him to be with his wife who she didn't know was not there anymore. Kathy had left the other night and Elliot had been too proud to say anything.

"This case is pretty intense, I'm not leaving you with it." Elliot told her and there it was, the neck rub and Elliot held in a groan.

"El, I have nowhere to be... you do."

"No I don't." Elliot told her and she raised her perfectly shaped eyebrow at him.

"This bastard is sick." Olivia decided to drop the issue of him leaving and he was grateful to her, "I cannot wait to nail his balls to a post."

"Lovely image Liv." Elliot watched her bite her lip, she was so sexy when she was heated.

"Sorry... but you know what I mean." Olivia threw open the file she had and Elliot made a face at the photos, "None of these women had time to scream, get away... tell anyone."

"We'll get the ass, you know we will." Elliot was thankful that she set the file down so he no longer had to look at the photos.

"We don't always get them El." Olivia sighed harshly.

"Come on Liv we've got a reputation." Elliot told her, chuckling and he was happy to see that she was smirking at this.

"Yeah no pressure, uh I'm thirsty you want something?" Olivia laid her chocolate brown eyes on his icy blue ones and he suddenly felt a lump form in his throat, she was going to stand up...

"Coffee would be great." Elliot answered finally and she nodded getting up, the jeans she was wearing accented her curves and Elliot was glad to take notice.

"it's nice and quiet tonight." Olivia made conversation and as much as Elliot loved talking to her all her wanted to do was stare at her at that very single moment.

"Let's hope it stays that way huh?" Elliot responded and Olivia brought him his coffee before making hers.

"Thanks Liv."

"Not a problem El." Olivia was so casual it killed him, was she just being herself or was she... no she was not flirting. Olivia sat back down and did not look at him but back to the file and frowned, she did not however speak what she might be thinking.

"Two days and already ten victims." Elliot saw her shiver and his eyes glassed over, "You OK?" He asked her.

"Maybe I should call it a night." Olivia admitted and she locked eyes with him and he nodded at her.

"OK, yeah uh want a lift?" He secretly hoped that she said yes, it was one of his small pleasures to drive her home, to be close to her.

"Uh..." Olivia paused, "That would be great, let me head to the bathroom first." Olivia stood and it was obvious she did not know Elliot stared because she used her natural strut to disappear into the restroom. Elliot put his head on his desk and made a sound that could not be heard by anyone else. No one else was there at the moment and this would be the perfect time for Elliot to live out his fantasy... just pull her into his arms and take her in.... but Olivia Benson did not think of him in that way. Elliot would be an idiot to think Olivia would ever return his passion... she worked so hard at keeping his marriage alive that he couldn't imagine her disappointment by knowing it was truly over. Olivia returned and he did not budge.

"El... you alright?" Olivia touched his shoulder and the image of her in that underwear popped into his head.

"Yeah just... a cramp." It was not a lie, it really was a cramp... and he desperately needed relief.

"No wonder, you sit in that chair way too much." Olivia's hand did not leave his shoulder and he wanted to tell her to not touch him, that as much as he loved it she was making it worse, he was aching.

"Kathy left me." Elliot didn't know why he told her.... did he expect her to be happy? To be happy he was finally single... to make a move?

"Oh El, when?" Olivia had taken her hand away and put it through a loose hair.

"It doesn't matter, it's OK... I'm OK... I just thought you should know."

"What are you going to do?" Olivia's question baffled him. What did she mean? What was he going to do about her? The kids? Work? The house?

"Move on." Elliot told her and she now looked different and a curiosity sparked in him, "What is it Liv?" He asked her and she looked punch drunk for a second, but then shook her head.

"Nothing, I'm just sorry." She wasn't telling the truth, though granted he knew she probably was sorry about his marriage, that wasn't what was on her mind.

"I fell out of love with Kathy a long time ago." Elliot admitted to her and Olivia nodded, looking down... that was when he saw it... a tear fell down her cheek, "Hey, hey, hey what's the matter?" Elliot was now OK to stand, he had gotten used to it since a few years ago when he realized her wanted her. It was the first time he and Kathy separated and Olivia had come after him.

"I'm fine El,"

"You are not fine, you're crying." Elliot set his fingers under her eye and wiped the tear away and she did not refute it. Elliot took this as a possible sign and he took his other hand and cupped her face with both hands, "Liv look at me." He did not command her but asked her softly. She shook her head, keeping her face down, "Why not?" Elliot asked, now invading her personal space.

"I can't risk it." Olivia whispered and he knew what she meant, if she looked up he knew what he would do and so did she. So she set her hands, warm to the touch on his own and moved her face to look at his. They were less then an inch away from each other and Elliot could feel her breath and he willed his eyes to stay open and his lips to not kiss hers. What happened, Elliot could not explain... Olivia's eyes started to close and then popped open, as if shocking herself awake, "I need to go." She pulled away gently, not aggressively but painfully and Elliot was left with his hands empty. Elliot watched as Olivia got her purse and looked at him, her eyes still glistening and he tried to read her face, "Good night El." she said and then she was gone.

"Night Liv." What had just happened? Had Olivia felt it? Had she felt that he wanted her? Needed her? By the look on her face he could not tell, she was so neutral lately and he used to be able to read her so well but recently she had seemed cut off. Should he forget it ever happened? No, he did not want to... but Elliot had to face reality. If Olivia had wanted him to kiss her she would have let him... if she wanted him the way he wanted her should would not have left.

Right?

***OUTSIDE OF THE PRECINCT*

Olivia Benson's heart was about to beat out of her chest, the last time it had gone so fast she was pressed against Elliot, their skin touching and he had seemed to leave a mark on her. Had he wanted to kiss her? God that's what it had felt like and he looked like he wanted to but she had to remind herself that she was wrong... Elliot Stabler did not want her like that. His wife had left him, not the other way around. The tears that had fallen were happy ones, she was relieved and in disbelief that Elliot had told her that Kathy had left him. But what type of person cried tears of joy when someone told them that their marriage was over?

No, Olivia Benson had moved on, she had refused to wait around for a man that would never want her, who already had a family when she desperately craved one. She opened her phone and hit speed dial three, it took him only a few seconds to answer.

"Hey Liv." His voice made her stomach crawl and her stomach began to feel weird but she ignored it and stuffed it down.

"I said I'd call you when I was done so... here I am calling you." Olivia had to do this, she had to prove to herself that it did not matter that Elliot was finally single, that it did not change a thing for her, it couldn't.

"I'm very happy that you did, I've been thinking long and hard about the things you said Olivia and I want you to know that I agree, I agree baby and I love you." Olivia hated that he called her baby, Elliot would never call her baby, he knew that she felt disgusted by it, but this was not Elliot... this was...Kurt.

"You said you wanted to talk." Olivia reminded him.

"You wanna come over?" Kurt asked and she bit her lip, no she didn't. No, she wanted to go back into that building to tell Elliot she was happy he was finally not with Kathy, that she wanted to be be with him. Olivia wanted to go back and let Elliot ravish her but she knew that she would only be setting herself up for pain if she were to tell Elliot how she felt so she did the stupid thing.

"Yeah, I'll be there in thirty." The sick feeling stayed in her gut but she refused to listen to reason, she was smart but at the moment she felt she had the right to be reckless.

"That's my girl." They hung up and Olivia hailed a cab. She fixed herself before getting to Kurt's, pulling out a compact she checked her eyes and touched where Elliot had. She stared at herself before wiping away his touch with a tissue and let her hair down. Getting to Kurt's should have felt good, it should have felt wonderful... but it didn't. It felt like she was being cruel to Kurt, using him but she convinced herself that she was not there for Elliot but for herself. She was there because she wanted to be, this was her place. Kurt wanted her.

"Liv you look beautiful." Kurt answered the door and Olivia forced a smile when she saw him, she knew he wanted her, she could feel it from him... she could never feel anything from Elliot, he was too guarded. And Olivia was right, the moment she stepped inside and the door was closed, Kurt had pulled her into a rather awkward kiss. Olivia willed herself to feel something, anything but all she could think about was Elliot, "God I've missed you." Kurt started to kiss her neck and she put her fingers through his hair automatically, there was nothing passionate about her movements but Kurt did not seem to notice. Olivia needed this, she needed to know she was wanted and had to remind herself that this had nothing to do with Elliot, it was about her.. all about her. As Kurt kissed her and ran his hands all over her she allowed herself to feel the desperation, she needed him... someone to make her know she was still wanted. Kurt moaned into her mouth as she held onto him with all her might.

Olivia felt her anger, her frustration and put it into her antics with Kurt. He of course took this as heated passion and she pretended that, that's what it was. Olivia imagined Kurt's hands erasing Elliot's as he stroked her and undressed her. She imagined that she was a woman in love and she wanted this.

"I love you so much." Kurt said into her ear and his left hand found a spot on her that made her moan.

"Show me." She told him, keeping her eyes closed.

"Look at me." He told her and she did, she regretted it immediately and felt herself pulling away, "What are you doing?" Kurt asked, not letting her go.

"This isn't what I came here for." Olivia cursed herself for doing the right thing and Kurt just looked at her for a few seconds before kissing her collar bone again. That sick feeling rose within her and she made a noise of disapproval.

"Could have fooled me." Kurt said gruffly and Olivia pushed him off.

"I'm being serious." Olivia started to pull away and he just looked stunned.

"What the fuck are you doing?" He asked her, his eyes going so dark that sick feeling all of the sudden turned to realization.

"Leaving." Olivia began to get her shirt but Kurt grabbed her arm, "Let go of me."

"You fucking tease, you came here for a reason and I'm going to give it to you." Kurt pulled her forcefully to him and she opened her mouth to scream but he put her in a choke hold.

"Get....the... fuck off of me." Olivia wheezed, no this was not happening, this could not be happening, how had she dated this man? Been with him willingly? Olivia choked down the bile.

"Not until you give me what I want." Kurt's hands now felt like snakes and Olivia wanted to vomit. No, she refused to be a victim again, fuck that. Twisting around she bit him in the neck and he let go of her, but only for a second, "Don't fight me! If you fight me then it's rape." He said it so calmly she could feel tears rising in her eyes.

"I don't want you!!" Olivia yelled at him and he covered her mouth with his arm, she bit him but he with-held the pain. She blamed herself, she should have listened to her gut, god she was an idiot.

"That's not how you were acting." Then she felt it, he was undoing his pants and she squirmed to get away.

"I knew you were an ass-hole but a rapist? I deal with shit like you for breakfast." Olivia thought about White, she thought about her mother... her father... Elliot... Sealview... and she found it. She found her strength again twisted out of his grasp, punching him in the groin. Not waiting for him to recover she ran, she was only in her jeans and bra but she ran. Kurt was calling after her and she slammed the bedroom door shut to stall for time. Her phone, where was it? Not important... getting to safety was important.

"Bitch!" Kurt yelled as she ran out of the front door. She saw an exit sign and took the stairs down two floors, she pounded on doors, she would not scream or cry, he would find her.

"Oh my god." An older woman answered the door, "Sweetheart what's wrong?!"

"I need to use your phone, someone in this building just tried to rape me." Olivia began to cry at the fact that she was OK, now she could breakdown, no not yet... she had to wait.

"Get in here, I'll lock my doors." The woman handed Olivia her phone and Olivia made the call to 911, "Who was it? Oh god a rapist in this building? I have a niece who visits me on occasion... she was coming tonight." As much as Olivia wanted to comfort the older lady she needed to get people there. Kurt would not run, she knew he had too much pride. Olivia felt like it took forever for the operator to say, "911 what is your emergency?"

"Detective Olivia Benson..." But Olivia could feel her eyes start to blur, "Benson, Manhattan..." but she felt herself get weak and before she knew it her legs gave way and the woman shrieked as Olivia tumbled to the floor.

"H-hello? Yes, this is Patty Novak... no, no I've never met her, she came banging on my door saying a man tried to rape her and she just collapsed... oh I don't know if he is still in the building... y-yes that is my location. Uh fifth floor... yes thank you." Patty must have gotten something cool because Olivia felt cold pressure on her neck, "Olivia? Olivia can you hear me?"

"..." Olivia could not speak, she felt so dizzy, so tired... her body locked up and she felt her eyes start to close.

"Stay with me Olivia, sweetie... stay with me... come on sweetheart." But Patty's voice began to drift and Olivia was out cold. Olivia could only think of one thing... death.

********SVU PRECINCT***********

"Manhattan SVU come in, I repeat Manhattan SVU come in." Elliot heaved a sigh as he realized Olivia had left her walkie.

"This is Manhattan SVU, over." Fin Tutuola's voice said over the radio, Elliot had forgotten that Fin was patrolling and he was about to turn the volume down when what he heard next stopped his heart.

"Detective Olivia Benson is at 798 Dolen Suite 209, I repeat you have an officer down, we have EMS on the way, repeat officer Olivia Benson....attempted rape..." Elliot's brain began to shut down through his rage.

"This is Detective Elliot Stabler answering that call," Elliot grabbed the walkie, his hands shaking so hard he thought he might drop it.

"Elliot, I'm on it copy?" Fin came through static.

"I'll see you there then. Over." Elliot hooked the walkie on his pants and he saw the captains door open.

"Elliot-"

"I heard, I'm on my way." Elliot was out of the door and in his car before as if flying, he had not heard the captain calling his name nor had he heard the words being exchanged over the walkie. He didn't know if it was the sirens or his racing mind. He would kill whoever did this, he would give up everything to torture whoever did this to Olivia. It took him only five minutes to get to where he needed to be. Police cars flooded the seemingly peaceful residence but Elliot hated it... he knew this place.

"Detective Elliot Stabler, out of my way." Elliot threw his badge in a deputies face and the man backed off. Elliot's blood boiled when he saw the elevator door open and Fin escorting Kurt Moss into the lobby. Elliot only felt, he did not think, before anyone could see it happening Elliot threw his fist over Kurt's face and was tackled by two policemen.

"Stop!" Fin commanded them as he pulled Kurt up, "Elliot, check yourself and get up to Olivia. This is her partner Elliot Stabler." Fin explained to the two men and they let him go.

"She wanted it!" Kurt yelled and Elliot turned, blocked by Fin and he could see the captain arrive.

"Stabler! Unless you want to abandon your partner who needs you right now you will stand down." Captain Don Cragen ordered Elliot and he knew that he was right. Olivia didn't need him to beat the shit out of Kurt right then, she needed him to hold her hand, be her strength the way she always was for him and it was about time her repaid her. Elliot did not wait for the captain, he got into the elevator and let it take him straight up. It was the longest elevator ride he had ever endured, when it dinged her sprinted out and ran to the suite that had an officer outside of it. He saw a stretcher and his heart stopped, they had said she was down... what had they meant?

"No, he didn't succeed." Olivia's voice was soft but it was clear, he hurried and when he saw her wrapped in wool blanket he had to will himself not to lose it.

"Liv." He said and her eyes popped open to him, her eyes were an immediate waterfall of relief, fear, sadness, he wasn't sure but he hurried over to her and wrapped his arms around her. Screw boundaries, Olivia needed him and he would be damned if he wasn't there for her.

"I'm sorry sir but-"

"He's my partner, El show them your badge." Olivia clung to him and he showed it to them, they nodded and he felt her hold onto him as if she might fall to pieces.

"Are you OK to talk with him here?" The female medic asked Olivia and she nodded, still clutching onto Elliot, "Can you tell me how you got away?"

"I punched him in the groin." Olivia said and Elliot felt a sense of pride.

"Did he succeed at anything... anything at all?"

"Why do you keep asking me this? I told you he didn't." Olivia began to shake and Elliot sucked in a breath, rubbing her back.

"He says he did."

"What?" Elliot asked along with Olivia, this was new. Why would a rapist admit to it unless...

"He claims that you two had intercourse."

"Like hell we did, no we did no such thing." Olivia's eyes were huge and her mouth open as if she had just found out her name wasn't Olivia Benson.

"So he's just saying that?" Elliot did not like where this medic was going with this.

"Is it your job to ask these questions?" Elliot asked her, feeling Olivia press herself into him as much as possible. She was putting him in protector roll and he was perfectly fine with that.

"For a medical examination I need to know." The medic looked like she did not believe Olivia and this seethed Elliot to the bone.

"You want me to do a rape kit?" Olivia did not sound like herself and that scared Elliot, she sounded like a young girl not wanting to get a shot, "But he didn't... there's nothing to find... I..." Olivia was shaking so bad Elliot had her almost in his lap now and he shushed her and her shaking subsided.

"Liv, you need to have one done." Elliot told her softly and she pulled away from him as if he had burned her, "Liv we work with rape victims all of the time you know that we need-"

"No, I won't do it." Olivia shook her head violently and looked at him as if he was insane.

"Then we won't get him." Elliot told her and he was afraid she was going to hit him.

"He didn't rape me, he didn't have the chance to, I will not undergo an examination that is more violating then what that bastard tried to do to me." Olivia's pupils were dilated and she seemed to be retreating into herself.

"Melinda can do the examination." Elliot told her and she scowled at him and the medic was looking impatient.

"I just want to go home."Olivia said and there was a snort.

"You're having that examination."

"Captain, you can't make me." Olivia looked at the older man and he closed his eyes slightly. Olivia was shaking her head back in forth, her normally perfect hair in jumbles that portrayed battle scars.

"Elliot can I have a word with Olivia?" The Captain looked at Elliot who shook his head, "That wasn't a question." Elliot looked at Olivia but she was studying her fingers... she seemed so small. Not like the woman he knew, the woman he loved... but the fact that she needed him made him need her more as well. Elliot got up and let the captain talk to Olivia as he was found by a young policewoman.

"Detective would you like me to show you Mr. Moss's apartment?" The girl looked Maureen's age, Elliot's oldest daughter and he nodded, following her, "We have pretty much cleared it out, we were not sure if you wanted to comb it or-"

"I'll take a look." Elliot knew that this was dangerous territory, he knew but he didn't care, he knew that Fin or Munch should be doing this but he had to look, had to feel it out. As he entered the suite he could see the sign of struggle and swallowed hard when he saw Olivia's top on the floor, the top that he loved so much... he looked away and saw that there was a trail to the bedroom, his stomach turned and he saw Olivia's hair tie on the bed. Elliot looked around him and could see the struggle in the sheets, the imprint on the wall-

"What the hell do you think you are doing?" Cragen said, causing Elliot to startle.

"Combing the scene captain." Elliot said calmly but knew very well that he was in deep shit.

"You know very well that it is not your job when it was your partner who was the victim, you will let Detective Tutuola do this. Do you understand?"

"Yes captain." Elliot left the apartment and saw John Munch step off of the elevator.

"Elliot." John looked sharp, not like he had been awakened, he looked calm and collected usually but for the first time Elliot saw John Munch completely somber.

"John..."

"I heard that Olivia agreed to go to the hospital... she asked for you." John looked grave.

"She did?" Elliot was surprised at this, he was under the impression that Olivia did not want to see him.

"Of course she did, Fin has Moss downtown and I'm combing the scene... you got nothing to worry about." John passed him and Elliot hurried to the elevator, Olivia didn't hate him, she needed him and he was ready to be by her side.

**HOLY CRAP.... where did that come from... tell me what you think guys... you like it?????**

**:D  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry for not updating this story. I had someone review and she was right, I do need to update this story….here it is.**

Kurt Moss sat inside the interrogation room at Special Victims Unit, a smirk on his face. He was smug to a point, causing Fun Tutuola to uncharacteristically crack his knuckles. This sick bastard was sitting in the hot seat as Olivia Benson was at the hospital right now undergoing one of the hardest examinations known to females. Kurt's eyes were cold as Fin kept asking him what had happened.

"I want my lawyer," Kurt looked passed Fin, with that smirk etched on his face. He was rubbing it into Fin's face that he had sexually assaulted Olivia and had gotten away with it. Not only that, but he was claiming that they had, had sexual intercourse. Fin left the room, slamming the door behind him, causing the shades to clash against the glass window. He dialed the captain who was on his way back to the precinct.

"Anything detective?" Don Cragen answered his phone.

"He wants his lawyer." Fin looked for something destroy, he eyed an empty soda can and crushed it with his foot.

"Of course he does… alright. I'll be there soon," The captain sounded shaken, not like him at all.

"How is Liv?" The question was scary in itself, since the answer might not be the one he wanted.

"Elliot is with her," Was all Cragen said before hanging up. Both men were unhappy with this situation but they sucked it up. Fin felt his phone vibrate and he looked down at it, the number was unknown but he answered it nonetheless, "Fin Tutuola."

"Fin, this is Casey," Casey Novak was the old ADA for SVU; however she had been disbarred earlier that year. Her voice sounded rushed, it sounded like she was rushing around the room she was in on the other side of the phone. Casey could not have called at a worse time; Fin did not want to have to answer the question that the EX-ADA was going to ask. It was pure courtesy to ask someone how things were when they had not spoken in a long time. Fin did not want to tell Casey that Kurt Moss, Olivia's supposed to be ex-boyfriend had just attempted to rape her. Then again it was never looked down upon to express the truth.

"Hi Case," Fin tried to sound upbeat but he failed entirely.

"I have… something to tell you." Casey's voice was shaky and Fin's brows knitted in concern.

"Shoot," Fin prompted her, staring at a clock on the wall, as if trying to turn the clock back.

"My Aunt Patty just called and said… that an Olivia Benson was picked up by EMS in her apartment," Casey swallowed what sounded like tears, "I was not sure if you knew or… if this is all true or… if it was a different Olivia. She said that she looked like Liv from a photo I had shown her at one point, "Casey Novak was now completely breaking word after word, "Fin, tell me this is a mistake. That this is not our Olivia," Fin wanted to comfort her; he wanted to tell her that it was a different Olivia. That her Aunt had woken from a nightmare and fabricated the entire story but he was in the same boat as Casey.

"Case…" Was all Fin could get out before Casey let out a huge sob.

"I should have been there," She began, finally going over the edge.

"Don't start talking like that," Fin's voice wavered.

"Did you get the bastard?" Casey asked through her teeth and Fin let out a sigh.

"Yeah, he's claiming it was consensual."

"Who is he?" A level of vengeance entered Casey's voice and Fin heard a man talking to Casey in the background. "Tell me Fin."

"One of her ex's," Fin told Casey, "Look… I can't-"

"I'm catching a flight to New York tonight, where is Liv? Which hospital?"

"She's at Bellevue," Fin felt his heart sink when he could hear the pain in Casey's voice; "Elliot is with her."

"I'll call you when I get there," Casey hung up and Fin kept the phone to his ear as if to stop time. The clock kept ticking and Fin Tutuola put his phone away. He could not get emotionally invested. He could not but it was instinct. Olivia Benson was family and nobody fucked with family.

SVU…SVU…SVU….SVU…..SVU…

BELLEVUE HOSPITAL

Olivia stared at something on the wall as she waited for Melinda to do her exam. Elliot was sitting next to her, letting her clutch his hand. He did not know where she was in her mind but he knew where he was. He was angry; he was worried and scared to touch Olivia in the wrong way. He had never seen her so fragile, had never seen her wall completely down. Elliot hated Kurt Moss for what he had done, he did not succeed at raping Olivia but in her mind he did. She had said no and Kurt had tried to force himself on her. Elliot's stomach churned as he fought back the vomit. The idea made him physically sick.

"Liv?" He said her name softly and he heard her whimper, Olivia's eyes blinked and a tear fell from the corner of her coffee brown eye. Elliot felt tears threaten his own eyes but he fought them back, "Liv… you're safe."

"They think I let him have his way with me," She said in such a sad voice that it broke Elliot's heart.

"No they don't." Elliot insisted with conviction, "That is why you are doing this…to prove them wrong."

"They are going to violate me the way he was going to," Olivia did not look at Elliot, she began to shake slightly.

"I'm not leaving your side," Elliot got closer to her and she pulled his hand close to her heart, curling it up with both of her own. Olivia set her cheek down on their entwined fingers and Elliot kept breathing. He did not want to break in front of her. He focused on the anger, on the things he planned on doing to Kurt Moss.

"I should have stayed with you," Olivia whispered into his hand and he shivered.

"Don't do this to yourself," Elliot ran his free hand through her hair and she shut her eyes. Elliot stroked Olivia's hair, love in each brush of his fingers against her soft hair. He wanted to lean down and kiss her on the forehead, the way a man would when the woman he loved needed comfort. Under the circumstances, Elliot could not do that. They were partners and Olivia had gone to see Kurt that night, which meant that she had been dating him again. The urge to vomit came back as Elliot replayed the scene in his head.

"Hi," Melinda's voice was sullen as she entered the room and Elliot was surprised at how Olivia grabbed onto him, burying her face into his chest and his arms went around her protectively, "I know that this is hard… for all of us. Liv… I know that this test is not something you need done but… we gotta prove him wrong." Melinda walked over to her and touched her shoulder, "Did Kurt Moss penetrate you in any way?"

"He was never inside me if that is what you mean," Olivia looked up from over Elliot's arm.

"Have you seen him in the last 72 hours?" Melinda's question made Olivia tense up and Elliot felt the change in her body. She pushed him away and sat up, alert all of the sudden.

"Yes…" Her answer was a small word but it spoke high volume and Melinda sighed, "I… saw him the other night."

"Sperm can live inside a woman for up to-"

"I know how it works Melinda, how many rape kits have I walked women through?" The anger in Olivia's voice came out of nowhere but it was not shocking. She was now up against the wall.

"I know that you know all of this, it is just protocol that I discuss the risks with you," Melinda tried to explain. "Let's just get this over with." Melinda looked at Elliot and he just sat there, "I'm afraid I have to ask you to leave, Elliot."

"What?!" Elliot almost took Melinda's head off but Olivia set her hand out.

"He can stay," She told Melinda, "I won't be able to do this without him," Olivia admitted and Elliot looked at Melinda who had a type of pride in her eyes, despite the situation.

"OK, as long as you know-"

"I don't care how hard this is or how painful it is going to be to go through… I am not letting her go through this alone." Elliot felt Olivia reach for his hands again and he took them. His gaze on Melinda, he waited for her to try to talk him out of more but she said nothing. The procedure took a few hours and Elliot kept Olivia calm, he refused to run. Having to hear Olivia's testimony gave him chills but he sucked it up. Once it was all over, Melinda patted him on the shoulder as Olivia laid there looking lost and in pain. None of them said a word as she left the room; Olivia's cry broke the silence. Elliot went over to her and held her the best way he could.

"I want to go home," Olivia told him once she had stopped crying.

"I'll take you," Elliot told her, "And I am not leaving you," Elliot hoped that Olivia did not refute his offer.

"I can't do that to you," Olivia muttered but Elliot just made sure his eyes caught her own.

"I am _not_ leaving you," He insisted to her and she nodded, "We're going to get through this." He told her and he meant it. Whatever Kurt Moss had broken, he was determined to help Olivia put it back together.

"I cannot believe I tried to get back with him," Olivia shook her head and Elliot did not stop her this time. She needed to talk about it or it would eat her alive, "I just… wanted what everyone else had. He made me feel… wanted…" Olivia bit her lip before going pale; "I just needed to feel wanted," Olivia whispered the last part. Elliot wanted to tell her that he wanted her, that he wanted how she laughed to coincide with his own happiness. Elliot wanted to take her home with him every night, instead of drop her off. Elliot wanted to tell her that he needed to be as close to her as possible, even if that meant their elbows touched during an investigation. Elliot wanted nothing more but to spill his desires to her right then and there but it was not the time or the place. He squeezed her hand and let her just take his presence in.

"Miss Benson?" Nurse walked in, with a tray of medication, "I have your medicines."

"What medicine?" Olivia sputtered, "I was not raped."

"Oh but… it says on your chart that-"

"I was not raped DAMMIT," Olivia growled to the nurse who kept her perfectly calm composure.

"Very well, I will let them know that you refused," She left before Elliot could put his own two senses in. So he squeezed Olivia's hand instead, letting her know that he was still there.

"I cannot fucking believe that he is claiming that we had sex," Olivia seethed.

"You know it is going bite him in the ass," Elliot reassured her, "It is his word against yours… the rape kit will-"

"I had sex with him the other night," Olivia threw her head back, her hair cascading over her shoulders. "So as Melinda was saying… if she swabbed sperm from me… his DNA… then that means that I lied… and he is telling the truth." Olivia's attitude was scaring Elliot so he decided to bring her back to the present.

"We are not going to let him get away with this… at any cost Liv," Elliot told her, "I don't care what we have to do… he will get away for making a false statement and sexual assault."

"This is so fucked up," Olivia stated the obvious, "I never thought that it would happen to me…"

"You never think it is going to happen to yourself Liv," Elliot told her, his voice heavy. He was trying to not think of what Kurt had done but it was the only thing he could think of until the doctor came in to discharge Olivia. They had given her sweat pants and a sweater since her clothes had to be taken as evidence. She still looked beautiful and Elliot refused to feel bad about having feelings for her anymore.

"Mind if we stop at my place so I can pick up a few things?" Elliot asked Olivia, she just shrugged and he took the route to his apartment. It was nothing special, it was simple since he was never there but it was something, "Why don't you come see the place? You shouldn't be alone right now," Elliot told her and he watched her facial expressions. She waited a few pauses before saying to him, "I'm tired."

"I know you are Liv," Elliot sighed, feeling bad for not just taking her home in the first place.

"Do you mind if we just stay here tonight?" Olivia's questioned surprised him, "I don't care if you have nothing in there… I just… I need to sleep… I need something unfamiliar right now." Olivia looked over at him and he nodded.

"Of course we can stay here tonight." Elliot got out first and hurried over to help her out of her side of the car. She was weak so Elliot helped her up his steps, she shivered in the cold air but the warmth of Elliot's apartment caused it to stop. He shut the door and locked all three locks before showing Olivia where his living room was. It was not much, he had a couch and a TV and a coffee table. He looked down at the couch and realized that was where he would be sleeping that night.

"This is nice Elliot," Olivia smiled genuinely, "It's entirely you…" Olivia looked tired and she turned to him, "I need sleep."

"Right… let me show you the bedroom, you can have it since you know… I have spare rooms for the kids but they are not set up yet." Elliot realized he was rambling when Olivia gave him a familiar look. It was nice to see that she was still herself, despite everything, "What? You are not sleeping on the couch Liv."

"Do you think that maybe you could… stay with me tonight?" Olivia's request caught Elliot off guard, he had not been expecting that one, "Please?" He eyes were pleading and he set his hands on her shoulders.

"I already told you I am not leaving you alone right?" Elliot whispered to her and she nodded as he took her hand and led her to his bedroom, "Need something to wear?" Elliot asked her, taking notice of how uncomfortable she looked.

"I doubt you have anything in my size," Olivia said with a hint of humor in her voice. The atmosphere was different in Elliot's place and she seemed to be picking up on it.

"You're smaller than me, I'm sure I have a shirt and some boxer's you can wear."

"I thought your wore Briefs', " Olivia's speculation made Elliot tense up, "Remember when you were undercover? And you answered the door in your underwear," Olivia reminded him, not erasing the blush from him. Oh right, the night she pretended to be a hooker to save him. His body began to react and he had to remind himself that this was not the time.

"I like variety," Elliot went into his dresser and found her the perfect outfit. He handed it to her and she thanked him. "I'm going to go make some tea… be right back." Elliot felt her hand grasp his, holding him back, "Liv… you don't have to be scared here."

"I can't help it," Olivia looked down but Elliot touched her chin, "Alright look, I'll turn around and you change," He did so and listened as Olivia undressed. He did not his mind realize that she was naked in his room, right behind him, since like a broken record, it was not the place or the time, "Thank you," She told him and he turned back to her.

"Are you hungry at all?" Elliot asked her and she shook her head before her eyes widened, "What? What's wrong?"

"You must be starving…"

"Liv…" Elliot began.

"Go eat something El… I'll be fine." Olivia let him help her under his blue comforter, "Thank you… for everything."

"I'll be right back Liv… just watch some TV or something." Elliot almost told her that he loved her but stopped himself. She nodded, as she curled up in his pillow. It did not take Elliot long to wolf down a sandwich and a beer. He brushed his teeth and headed back to his room, to see Olivia sleeping peacefully on his second pillow. Elliot had witnessed Olivia sleep a few times on the job but this was different. Seeing her completely vulnerable and trusting made him feel lucky to be the one to be able to give that to her. Shutting off the overhead light, he climbed into bed next to her. Turning on his side he stared at Olivia, feeling like a stalker but he could not help himself. Olivia, though asleep reached out for something in her sleep so Elliot let her catch his hand. Olivia then turned completely over, pulled him into a position where her back was in his chest and he was cradling her. Olivia snuggled up to him as close as she could so Elliot decided to lift her slightly, so that he was able to hold her entirely.

"I love you," He whispered into her ear as he shut his eyes, never wanting to let go of her. Elliot hated that she was there due to horrible circumstance but at that moment he never wanted to be anywhere else.

"I love you too," Olivia whispered back in her sleep and Elliot had to pull her closer… falling into a deep sleep he made up his mind that he was never letting Olivia go after all of this. He would stand by her side no matter what. He vowed to.

**Wow… had no idea I had that in me.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Glad everyone is enjoying the story!**

MORNING: ELLIOT STABLER'S APARTMENT

Olivia Benson began to stir when the morning light hit her eyelids. For a moment, she felt like she was about to wake up from a nightmare. That perhaps all of the memories so fresh in her mind had been fear in the form of a dream. A long and agonizing dream that she wished to leave as she opened up her big brown eyes to the sting of the sun. Shutting her eyes again, a wave of exhaustion came over her and she moved a little, working out her muscles. It was then that she realized that there was an arm around her torso. A very familiar looking arm and Olivia's heart rate went up. Had she dreamed of getting away and going to the hospital?! Where was she and who-

"You're safe," Elliot's voice calmed her immediately like a shot of halidol from an ER. Sensing that Olivia was awake, Elliot removed his arm gently, although Olivia found herself wishing that he had kept it there, "Do you remember last night?" He asked her, morning heavily dripped from his voice.

"Unfortunately," Olivia wanted to turn to face Elliot and just bury her face into him, asking him to keep on holding her until it all went away. The images from her mind kept flashing every time she shut her eyes so she kept them open. Realizing that she needed to turn away from the sun, she rolled her body over so she was facing Elliot. He raised a hand to her cheek and brushed away a tear that Olivia had not meant to cry. Elliot extended his hand so it was now brushing her hair out of her face; feeling vulnerable, Olivia inched closer to him and he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close to him. Neither one said anything; there was nothing to be verbalized as they acted out the only thing that felt right. Olivia thought that being this close to Elliot would feel strange or confusing but at that moment he was not as scary as she once imagined. Olivia had always envisioned that getting close to Elliot Stabler would be downright terrifying but he was the gentlest creature ever to her at the moment, she never wanted to leave.

"Did you sleep OK?" Elliot's breath whooshed over her head softly and she tingled from the heat.

"I guess," Olivia answered him, trying to focus on his tattoo from the Marines. Trying to not think about-

"Do you want to talk about it?" Elliot's question tore something that she had been weaving and she pulled away, sitting up. Olivia heard him sigh as he realized he had said something wrong, "I'm sorry." Elliot touched her shoulder and she did not shake him off. Olivia looked at his blank wall and took in his bedroom instead, it was not lived in at all and she felt a rush of wonderment.

"Don't worry about it," Olivia told him as she felt him sit up next to her, the cool air hitting her back as the comforter was now covering just the front of both of them ,"I… talked about it at the Hospital and I am going to have to talk to a lawyer about and … probably a court room. So to answer your question El?" Olivia turned to look back at him and saw how the sun hit his stubble. His eyes had a reflection of light in them and she was rendered speechless for a couple of seconds. Olivia could see that Elliot was truly listening to her and taking her in; Olivia had no idea what was going on and how it was happening but she knew that it was something.

"My answer is no… I don't want to talk about it," Olivia felt a rush of security when she felt Elliot's hand find hers; he squeezed it and gave her a comforting smile.

"That's OK, "He let her know and Olivia could feel herself falling, it was like the feeling of dropping off of a cliff into a waterfall… scary but inevitable. One can only fall so far before they catch themselves. Olivia saw nothing to reach for but Elliot and he was the one she was falling towards.

"How late are we for work?" Olivia's question seemed to surprise Elliot; he licked his lips before chuckling softly despite himself.

"Nothing… it's just… I knew that question was coming at some point," Elliot smirked, running his hand over his face, as if wiping away the sleep.

"Well I can't hide forever," Olivia was about to get out of the bed but stopped abruptly when she realized what she was wearing, "I don't have any clothes here," She stated the obvious and all of the sudden she was reminded of why she was really there. Whatever mask she had just had on, broke away and her inner shell was showing again, "I really fucking hate that this is happening," Olivia did not look at Elliot but knew his eyes were on her.

"I do too," Elliot got out of the bed, leaving it to feel lighter and Olivia all of the sudden missed him but she was not about to ask him to come back to her. It was not the place or the time. Olivia watched him get his outfit, he slammed his drawers, showing his anger and Olivia cleared her throat.

"El…" She began but was cut off by another slam, this time caused by Elliot's closet.

"Liv, please don't try to calm me down alright? I… cannot help but want to kill that bastard for what he tried to do to you. He deserves every dagger I send him with my eyes, every glare from all ends of the world and he does not get any mercy from me at all…" Elliot did not face her as he said this so Olivia just stayed calm.

"Elliot, I am not going to try to calm you down," Her response caused him to look at her in surprise, "If you could legally castrate him I would be behind you all the way and helping you. But you have a reputation as a good cop and you need to keep yourself in check," Olivia swallowed hard, hoping that she was getting through to him, "So please… I need you to stay sane. I cannot do this without you," Olivia's voice broke when she realized how true her words were, "If you get stuck in jail for beating up or attempting to kill Kurt fucking Moss… I won't have…" Olivia could not finish her sentence but Elliot was already over by her. His hands were on her shoulders and he eyes caught hers with his own. Feeling embarrassed with her slight outburst, she looked past him at the wall again.

"I swear to you that I will not leave you alone, Olivia. No one and nothing can keep us apart alright? I don't give a shit how melodramatic that sounds… it's true. I am going to be here every step of the way…" Elliot's words brought that warm blanket of comfort back and she pulled him into a hug, causing her heard to rest on his shoulder since he was leaning over the bed. It would have been a perfect scene for one of them to make a move, for one of them to slightly cross the line but neither one did. It was not the time… so Olivia just felt his heart next to hers.

"RING." Elliot's phone went off from the side of his bed and he gave Olivia one last squeeze before reaching over to get it. He was able to keep his fingers entangled with hers as her answered, "Elliot Stabler," Olivia watched him silently as he seemed to just listen to someone talk, "I'll let her know" Elliot hung up and tossed his phone on the bed, "No work today," He told her and she could not help but feel saddened by this. Olivia needed something to keep her mind off of things, "Cap needs me to go in though." Elliot's eyes spoke to Olivia and told her that he did not want to go.

"I don't want to be alone," Olivia's admission did not sound sad or weak… it came out angry, "Damn him all to hell for doing this to me," Olivia threw the covers off of herself and walked over to the window. Elliot's shirt was big on her but it fit her nicely, she had not expected him to come over to her and touch her shoulders. Gently massaging her neck.

"Why don't you come in with me, give your statement and… hopefully the cap will be lenient." Elliot told her in a strong voice, "You can do this… If I have to I will take leave," As Elliot said this to her, it made Olivia realize how much they really did mean to one another. They went through everything together; it was like a relationship that was undefined.

"Do you mind if I stay here?" Olivia asked him, not afraid he would say no. Whatever vow he had made her seemed to make it impossible if she was not there with him.

"You really want to stay at a bachelor pad instead of your comfy and-"

"Yes," Olivia's answer was strong and determined, there was no trace of sadness or fear detected in her tone, "I cannot explain it… I just…"

"You don't have to explain anything," Elliot reassured her, "I get it Liv… my home is your home for as long as you need it,"

"Thank you," Olivia was so grateful to have this man in her life that it hurt her heart to wonder what it might be like without him.

"Kathleen left some of her clothes her, they are in the laundry… now I know you are not a college girl Liv…" Elliot began and it caused Olivia to actually laugh.

"Thanks El…"

"If I made you some breakfast will you eat it?" Elliot showed her the way to the bathroom in the hallway, "Sorry… that sounded strange… I meant… are you hungry at all?"

"I guess I could eat something," Olivia shrugged, realizing how badly she wanted to shower when Elliot flicked the light on for her, "Cereal or… whatever is fine." Elliot snorted when she said this and she had to look at him, "What's funny?" She asked him.

"Unlike you, I have food in my house," Elliot had a type of smile on his face that was hard to read since Olivia was used to his work smiles. This one was familiar but slightly different, "I don't want to rush you but we got an hour before we have to leave," Elliot handed her a towel and grabbed a pile of Kathleen's clothes from his laundry nook that was in the hallway as well.

"Thank you," Olivia watched him leave for the kitchen and she was eager to get under water. Throwing everything off she made sure the water was as hot as her body would allow it to be and washed it all away. Thankful for Kathleen's toiletries in Elliot's bathroom, she washed her hair and soaked in the smell of flowers and citrus. Once Olivia washed herself long enough to feel like Kurt was erased from her body, she dried herself off and looked at her options for clothing. She picked out a nice shirt that was from a designer and black stretch jeans, something she would never wear but they worked. Olivia took note that she had no make up to wear and she was alright with that, God only knew how many more times she would cry that day.

"Oh wow," Olivia exclaimed when she smelled eggs and bacon coming from the kitchen. She let her nose lead her way and there she saw Elliot with two plates on his dining table for them, "So tell me… how do I look?" Olivia expected him to roll his eyes, snort or laugh at her attire but instead he made a nod of approval.

"You should wear college clothes more often, might attract the younger fellas though," Elliot teased her and she felt a blush creep into her cheeks. Olivia took a seat in front of the plate that Elliot had prepared, "Thank you for making this," Olivia said before putting a napkin over her lap.

"It's no problem… it's nice to feed you… knowing how you live on only take out." Elliot teased her as he joined her; he had set his plate next to Olivia's so he would be right by her side. Olivia felt an involuntary smile touch her lips and she let Elliot say grace before they ate. They ate silently, just enjoying the silence but when the clock on Elliot's stove beeped letting them know it was time to go, they did promptly. Leaving the dishes in the sink, they hurried out of the door with coffee in hand. It should have been a normal day; it was not supposed to be like this.

SVU….. SVU….. SVU

PRECINT

Elliot watched Olivia go into the captain's office, he was told she needed to go at it alone and Elliot could not be her watch dog every waking moment.

"El," Fin called out to him and Elliot turned to look behind him. Casey Novak was standing there, looking angry and upset but composed all at the same time.

"Casey," Elliot walked past Fin and she pulled him an awkward hug. It was more that she was holding onto him and holding back tears.

"How is she? Where is she?" Casey said to Elliot once they were out of their embrace.

"Statement…. And how do you think she is? That prick is claiming that it was consensual," Elliot balled his hands into fists, "When there was not even any sexual intercourse to be had."

"Does Liv have a lawyer?" Casey 's question threw Elliot over twice and he cocked his head sideways at her.

"Why would Liv need a suit?" Elliot asked her and she looked grave.

"If Moss is claiming that this was not rape and actually claiming that he had intercourse with Olivia when she says that he attacked her… if Liv does not get a lawyer then this will get thrown out,"

"Thrown out?" Fin intervened, "Why the hell would they throw it out? Liv has credibility, why the hell would she lie?" Fin's voice raised slightly, causing attention his way but he did not seem to notice or care.

"Every good cop can snap," Casey got her lawyer tone on, "If we want to get Moss to do his time… Liv is going to have to work hard to prove him wrong," Casey looked at both men, "I know that Liv would never lie. I have no idea what Kurt is trying to do but it's fucked up."

"Could he just be a pissed off ex? I mean why would-" Fin began but they were interrupted by the captain's door opening. Olivia walked out, her cheeks tear streaked and Elliot hurried over to her side.

"Get her home would you?" The captain said to Elliot, "I'll keep you on call for now… just take care of your partner alright?" The captain looked upset before shutting his door. Olivia clutched onto Elliot as Fin and Casey came over.

"What did he say?" Elliot asked the shaking woman in his arms, "Liv…"

"I wish you could have been in there," Olivia whispered to him.

"Liv… I want to help you," Casey's voice made Olivia look up and she gasped, "I know… my hair is red… you hate it?"

"Casey… what are you doing here?" Olivia left Elliot to give her old colleague a hug.

"My aunt was the woman who helped you… she called me and I got on the first plane so here I am. You are not going through this alone do you hear me?"

"The captain said that Kurt might be able to walk…" Olivia's head shook back and forth, "He needs to pay…"

"So that is what we are going to do," Casey crossed her arms over her chest, "Make that bastard pay."


	4. Chapter 4

::::Olivia's Apartment:::

:Evening:

Elliot followed Olivia into her bedroom, since she had voiced that she was not comfortable going inside by herself. Elliot had not needed to ask why, being a detective had given hi the insight to know how victim's minds worked. Olivia had shared her space with Kurt and at the moment she was a jumble of unresolved emotions. Olivia was gathering clothes into a tiny suitcase when a photo album fell out of her closet. Elliot stayed where he was and watched as Olivia picked it up slowly.

"Liv?" Elliot sensed that something was wrong; he walked over to her and saw that it was an album that had been of her and Kurt. Feeling sick to his stomach, Elliot wanted to grasp the tiny book and throw it out of the window but instead he watched as Olivia took out each photo and tore them all to shreds. At some moments she cried, some moments she screamed in anger. Elliot never left her side; he stayed silent and let her do her own healing. Olivia would let him know when she was ready for the comfort he was offering her. Once the album was torn to complete pieces, Elliot picked up Olivia's trash bin and held it to her.

"I wish I had never met him," Olivia sniffed as she threw it all into the bin, "He was a mistake… complete and total mistake."

"You didn't know," Elliot told her gently and she just shook her head, letting him help her up.

"I should have,"

"Liv, what do you tell victims each time we meet one?" Elliot took her bag before leading her out of her bedroom.

"Remind me," Olivia's answer broke Elliot's heart but he was determined to stay strong for her.

"You tell them that it is not their fault," Olivia gave a shaky and unsure sigh as Elliot told her this, "Liv… this is not your fault."

"I keep… going over… what happened. If I had just…" Olivia turned to Elliot and he saw the same thing in her eyes that he had seen the night they were alone at the precinct. It made his heart race, the way he could not control it. Olivia's eyes bore into Elliot's and her tears had dried but left her brown eyes glassy. Looking down at Elliot's lips, Olivia did something that Elliot had not expected. She leaned over and set a simple kiss on him, it was not an attack or what seemed like a lust filled act. Olivia's lips lingered on Elliot's as he stared at her as she pulled way. It took all of his self control to not pull her back to him, to not throw everything on the floor and make love to her right then and there.

"That was a thank you," Olivia let him Elliot know, helping him keep his clothes on. Elliot watched as she turned back around to leave the apartment, stunned in his place, Elliot had to remind himself to stay calm. To not remember that she had been wearing mint flavored chap stick, to remember that it would be wrong to take advantage of Olivia in her state of distress. The kiss was a thank you, she had said but how she had looked at him made him wonder. Had Olivia considered the idea of _them_? Elliot was silent all the way back to his place, it was getting close to dinner time and he wondered if Olivia was hungry.

"I guess I should eat huh?" Olivia said to him once they walked into his place. Elliot liked having her there, it no longer felt like something was missing. It gave him a feeling of security and he found himself wishing that she would never leave him.

"I can cook us some dinner," Elliot offered her, already thinking of ideas of what he could make for her.

"To be honest, I am kind of the mood for-"

"I have leftover Chinese in my fridge," Elliot grinned, leading her into the kitchen. Olivia had a smile on her face that told Elliot that he had done something right.

"Sounds perfect," Olivia took a seat at the bar and removed her coat, "El?"

"Yeah?" Elliot looked over at her as he set the containers in the microwave.

"I'm sorry I… kissed you like that," Olivia looked down at her thumb, flushing slightly and Elliot had no idea what to say at first. He wanted to tell her that it had been the best second of his life, that he wished she had kissed him more.

"Liv… don't apologize," Elliot said to her as the microwave beeped, letting them know that dinner was nuked. Olivia looked up at him with surprise in her eyes.

"Really?" She sounded relieved and Elliot gave her a warm smile.

"Really," He swallowed hard as he turned around to look for some chop sticks.

"El?" Olivia's voice sounded soft and behind him. Elliot forgot all about eating utensils when he turned around to see Olivia a few inches away from him, she looked even more beautiful up close. She seemed to be trembling slightly as she just stood there, as if waiting for him to do something.

"Liv," Elliot licked his lips and Olivia laid her lips onto his, once again, not forcefully or hard but soft as if exploring him. Elliot threw reason out of the window and pulled her to him, his hands running through her long hair, pushing it back so he could cup her cheeks in his hands. Olivia's skin was just as soft as he had imagined and the way they were in sync was like magic. Elliot felt a rush go through him and all he could think of how much he loved the woman in his arms and Olivia seemed to fall into him. They probably would have gone further if no one had rang Elliot's door bell, slowing down Elliot kept Olivia in his arms, "Just ignore them," He told her and she smiled.

"Dammit," Olivia looked over at her cell phone that began to go off. Pulling away completely from Elliot, she went to answer it, "Hey Case… yeah we are here… um… yeah be right there." Olivia shut her phone, "Casey is here," Olivia was flushed in the cheeks and Elliot wanted to yell at Casey to go away.

"Um… I kind of need a minute," Elliot cracked his neck, turning to face the sink. His body had reacted to Olivia and he heard her laugh softly, "Do not make fun of my condition Liv," Elliot teased her, "Can you go answer the door and I am going to think about things that do not… turn me on." Elliot took in a few deep breaths and he eventually relaxed where it mattered.

"Something interesting on the wall?" Casey said to Elliot and he turned around.

"Welcome to my home Casey," Elliot gave her a look and she raised an eyebrow.

"I'm sorry did I interrupt your staring at the wall? Look, I come baring news so deal with it." Casey had some kind of chip on her shoulder. She pulled out a stack of papers from her briefcase, "Kurt's lawyer said that he was willing to drop the accusations of Olivia committing a false police report if…" Casey paused dramatically.

"If?"

"If you drop the charges for attempted rape." Casey looked concerned and sorry all at the same time.

"No," Olivia said in a beat, "No… I won't drop the charges. I deserve justice,"

"It will go o trial… are you prepared?" Casey set a hand on Olivia's shoulder and Elliot stared at Olivia, who looked away.

"Well no one ever is prepared but yes," Olivia nodded, "Yes… I can do this."

"I knew you would say that… alright… we need to do background on Kurt… see if he has any ghosts… who is on the case?" Casey looked over at Elliot, "Well we know you are not because it is a conflict of interest," Casey shook her head, "Liv, I brought you paper work to look at and a list of lawyers."

"I wish you could represent me," Olivia said to Casey and she smiled.

"I wish I could as well but I am not leaving until this hell is over." Casey hugged Olivia before sniffing the air, "Is that Chinese I smell?" Elliot wished that he was a pig but he was not, so he opened the microwave and Olivia helped him get plates. The three of them sat down to eat, catching up on things, the fact that Olivia and Elliot had been so close such a short while ago had been put on the side at the moment. Eventually Casey was gone and it was just Olivia and Elliot again. They cleaned the kitchen, not speaking much.

"I don't want to go to sleep," Olivia said to Elliot as they finished the dishes, "Sleeping means I wake up tomorrow." Her voice shook and Elliot set his hand on her own.

"Don't talk like that Liv," He said to her and Olivia turned her hand around to hold his.

"I feel guilty for wanting you," Olivia then pulled away, once again leaving Elliot in the hot seat. She walked past him, towards the bedroom and Elliot felt his heart begin to beat faster. Elliot dried his hands and went to his bedroom where he saw Olivia sitting in the side of his bed, "I just went through something horrible and…. I… cannot stop thinking about-"

"Liv, stop right there," Elliot shushed her, "I know that you're emotional right now, alright? I… feel… as much as you do so you are not alone," Elliot told her, allowing himself to get closer to her, "I would rather… it be a better time to-"

"How long have we waited?" Olivia interrupted him and Elliot was taken aback by her question, "If I have learned anything from what happened to me… is that I should have gone with my gut. With my heart and you…" Olivia stood, staring at him,"have it." When she said this, Elliot did not hesitate in kissing her. He felt Olivia hold into him as he planted her neck with kisses, causing her to breathe rapidly.

"I want you," Elliot whispered into her ear, "And you are right… we have waited… but Liv…"

"Elliot… please… just… kiss me," Olivia's breath was hot on his neck and he gave in completely, throwing reason out of the window.

**I could not help myself… lol**


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: I could not leave you guys hanging like that but life called and I have time to write another chapter so you are all satisfied ;)**

_Olivia was walking through a black hallway; there was nothing on the walls but ripped photographs. She looked into the rooms that were coming up beside her but the doors were slamming. Olivia tried to call for help but no sound came out of her mouth. All of the sudden she no longer able to walk and she began to sink into some type of abyss. She could hear screaming and crying, was it her? Where was she going?_

_ "Liv?" His voice was like a light that lit up the hallway and she was no longer sinking, "Liv…" His voice was now calling to her urgently, "Liv you're dreaming,"_

Olivia's eyes shot open and focused in on a face that was being lit up by the moon.

"Liv… hey… it's ok, you were having a nightmare," Elliot's voice carried through her and she pulled him down, embracing him and thanking him from saving her from the nightmare she had been having. Olivia had fallen asleep in his arms only hours before, Elliot's kisses had made her dizzy beyond recognition but she must had fallen asleep when he got a call from the precinct. Now here he was, next to her, she was no longer alone. Olivia felt him brush the tears she had wept from her nightmare with his fingers and Olivia made sure that he did not get up or move away from her.

"I need you," She whispered into his ear and as if Elliot had been waiting for her to say this, he took her mouth in his. This time, his kisses were different. They were magnified with hunger and passion that they had both been holding back. Elliot unbuttoned the shirt that Olivia was wearing of his and slipped it open, exposing her breasts. Not yet exploring them, Elliot pulled her closer to him as Olivia wrapped her arms around his neck. As Olivia laid on her back, letting Elliot kiss her neck, she could feel her body heat rising. His lips were getting closer to where she was aching. Elliot ran his hands over her, feeling her and letting Olivia feel his hands cover every inch of her. When his warm mouth enclosed over her right nipple, she practically scratched his neck and moaned. Olivia Benson had never known that foreplay like this was just as good as the actual orgasm with Elliot Stabler. Elliot went to her other breast while working her with his free hand. Olivia ran her hands up and down his spine and found where his boxers began.

"Mmm," Elliot's mouth vibrated on her and she pulled is boxers off.

"Please," Olivia never pleaded but she needed him, needed to be close to him, and needed to feel him complete her. Elliot seemed to sense what she truly needed, not just a mouth… not just a hand. She needed Elliot and he longed to give it to her. Elliot lifted himself up over Olivia, who raised her legs up so he was able to set against her comfortably. Olivia felt him at the edge of her and she looked up into his eyes before he kissed her, causing her to moan into him as Elliot eased him into her. Olivia broke the kiss, throwing her head back, exposing her neck to Elliot's lips. He sucked on her neck as he began to move inside of her. It was pretty mind blowing to have the experience outweigh the idea and Olivia never wanted it to end. Moving along with him, Elliot went deeper into her and she felt her first orgasm getting ready. Elliot was not even going fast, he was taking his time to feel her, get to know her and this… brought Olivia Benson into her first orgasm. Squeezing Elliot, Olivia pulled him close as she screamed.

"I love you so much Olivia," Elliot told her as he kept on going, letting Olivia ride out her orgasm.

"I… love you too," Olivia got out, feeling high from her first orgasm. Elliot buried himself deep inside of her and she could feel her body ready to explode again, "Oh Elliot," She groaned, "Oh my god,"

"Let it go Liv," Elliot told her and she felt herself tense up around him. This time, Olivia pulled him closer and Elliot was now going faster. Right before she was about to come again, Olivia stopped him, "What? What's wrong?" Elliot looked worried for a moment.

"Get behind me." Olivia told him, Elliot was gone for a few seconds as she flipped onto her side. Elliot was more than ready to do what she said. Olivia felt him enter her once more and she was able to ride him from that point, their arms tangled together and Elliot held onto her breasts. Olivia turned her head so that she could kiss him as she felt him begin to come. Along with him, Olivia came once more and they both went as hard as they could…lingering in one another.

"Holy shit," Elliot said from behind Olivia and she actually smiled. She felt him brush her tossed hair out of her face.

"You can say that again," Olivia just lay there, letting Elliot hold onto her. Her eyes shut and she could feel herself wanting to drift off into dreamland again.

"Look Liv… this doesn't have to be… I mean…" Elliot tried to talk but Olivia stopped him.

"Do you love me El?" Olivia was answered by a kiss.

"If I have to tell you every second that I love you … to make you know… then I will," Elliot told her.

"So what do two people who love one another do?" Olivia said to him lazily, still smiling.

"What we just did… over… and over… and over…"

"They be together," Olivia was expecting Elliot to let go of her, she had been expecting him to make an excuse to get up and leave but instead he snuggled closer to her.

"So let's be together," Elliot kissed her neck and she had never felt so safe, "Move in with me…."

"One step at a time El… One… step… at a time," Olivia began to drift off into sleep once more and Elliot stayed inside of her the entire time.

**OK! I have to go for the night but there you go! R&R!**


	6. Chapter 6

***ELLIOT'S APARTMENT

MORNING

Olivia stood in Elliot's kitchen, trying to wrack her brain with a meal she could make for them both. Making love so many times eventually caused hunger and Olivia was definitely starving. Elliot was still asleep, so he was unaware that his kitchen was about to be hit by the Olivia Benson chef tornado. Opening up the cabinets, Olivia frowned at herself. It had been a long time since she had cooked a meal for two. Scanning the contents of the shelf, she eyed pancake mix and smiled, despite herself. Olivia was supposed to be angry, supposed to be trauma ridden from the entire Kurt Moss attempted rape situation. However, at the very moment, all she could think about was the man in the next room. A man who she loved so deeply it made her dizzy just thinking about him; Elliot returned her feelings which made it even greater. As Olivia got lost in making the buttermilk confections, she began to think about every door that had just opened. Possibilities that were just aching to be explored, just like Olivia Benson.

"Am I dreaming?" Elliot's voice surprised Olivia so much that she dropped the spatula, pancake batter splattered everywhere, "Guess not," He had a twinkle in his eye as he walked over to Olivia to give her a gentle but passionate kiss, "I didn't know you made pancakes,"

"I'm a woman of many talents," Olivia groaned as she felt Elliot squeeze her lower back, "El… don't distract me… I will burn the most amazing breakfast in the entire world.,"

"I'll put the fire out," Elliot's breath was hot on her ear and she had to be firm, "Good Morning," He kissed her ear before pulling back to look into her eyes.

"I wanted to surprise you," Olivia told him, running a hand over the muscle in his left arm.

"You did," Elliot looked around the kitchen before setting his eyes back on hers, "You truly are surprising me," It was then that Elliot's home phone went off and without leaving Olivia's side, he leaned over to answer it, "Stabler residence…" Elliot let Olivia go reluctantly so she could tend to breakfast. Luckily the pancakes were not burnt; they were crispy but not ruined. Olivia began to pile them onto a plate when she heard Elliot make a noise of disproval, "No, that is not true… that never happened," Elliot had gone from being a man in love to a man in distress within a minute. Olivia watched him, concern etched on her features as Elliot inhaled deeply, the way he did when he attempted to calm himself down, "Fine." Elliot hung the phone up, staying silent.

"Are you really going to make me ask you what just happened on the phone?" Olivia felt her gut tighten, the way it always tended to do when she was bracing herself for some bad news.

"I gotta go into the precinct," Elliot glanced at her shortly as if afraid to look at her. Olivia's feeling went from bad to worse and she backed away from him.

"What's going on?" Olivia prepared herself for something that was terrible, possible apocalyptic events that she could feel coming from Elliot. His demeanor had changed and Olivia felt like a rug had been pulled up from underneath her, "OK, not to sound like a cliché but you are kind of scaring me," Olivia let him know and when he did not answer immediately, it was then that something seemed to snap in her, "I should go." When she began to leave the kitchen, Elliot stopped her gently with his hand. It was not tough or controlling but a gesture to tell her to calm down.

"Liv," Elliot looked like he had just been hit with a paddle across the face, so when Olivia looked into his eyes she realized that he was more scared then upset. So she waited, she watched him and waited for him to tell her what was so desperately trying to escape his lips.

"El, just tell me," Olivia decided to try the smooth approach.

"Moss… is claiming that you and I have been… having an affair from the beginning. He's trying to take us both down now," Elliot licked his lips as the realization hit Olivia. It was not true but for some reason Olivia felt guilty due to the prior night and she felt tears fill her eyes.

"So let me guess… this isn't going to happen is it?" Olivia gave a shaky laugh, "Thanks for the nice night El… let me get my stuff." But Elliot blocked her way and she felt struck down off of the protective wall she was building.

"We are not giving up that simple Olivia; I am not letting this prick take away something that you and I have both wanted for…" Elliot began to get choked up, "There is something about 'us' that makes more sense to me than anything ever has and I know you feel the same way," Elliot stood his ground, causing Olivia to waver from her streak of wanting to fight something good away from her. Olivia knew exactly what Elliot meant by them making sense; it was like they had been born to be together. It was the Universe at work and it seemed that they were being tested, Olivia hated this but the man standing next to her was more real than anything in her world at the moment.

"Elliot, love is not a big enough word for how I feel for you," When Olivia said this, Elliot took her right hand in both of his before bringing it up to his lips to kiss it. Olivia thought about everything that had happened in the past 12 hours and she felt as though life had just told her to hold on a second. Joke was always on Olivia Benson and she just stared into Elliot's eyes, seeing that he was sincerely close to tears and she realized that his walls were down. Elliot Stabler's walls were hardly ever down and at this rare moment, Olivia decided to pull him into her arms. Elliot held onto her right hand as her left arm snaked around his neck. His lips touched her neck and she let out a sigh to let him know that she was right there, that she was sorry for having attempted to let go.

"Please… don't leave Liv," Elliot whispered into her ear and her eyes shut so tight, as if she was afraid that she would wake up when she opened them. How could this be happening, the moment where Elliot Stabler was in her arms, begging for her to fight with him for their right to be together?

"I don't want to," Olivia told him as calmly as possible, "But if I stay then Kurt will have a fun day in court… he will have our badges," Olivia reminded Elliot and she waited for him to argue with her. Instead, his lips found hers, giving her a kiss that literally knocked her off of her feet. Having to hold onto Elliot's broad shoulders, Olivia let him hold her up against the counters that were behind her. Elliot's kisses were urgent as if dying from thirst that only Olivia could quench, he ripped the shirt she had on open and his skin was against hers in moments. Olivia was more than ready for Elliot to lift her gently up, lining his waist to hers. As Elliot entered Olivia, the world fell away and everything that was going on did not matter. All that was important was how their bodies meshed together, how Elliot kept his lips on Olivia's. They were as close to each other as two people could possibly get and Olivia grasped onto Elliot's hands as she released around him. Elliot moaned into her and she felt her body respond again. This time Elliot gave in and Olivia gladly reached orgasm with him, their hearts were racing and their breath was fast. Catching his breath, Elliot set his forehead against hers and opened his eyes so she could truly hear him.

"I. Love. You." Elliot demanded to her and she nodded, fully allowing herself to believe in the man in front of her. The man that she had worked with for so long, the man she had considered everything to her but had never dreamed that this would ever come true. Olivia had no idea that Elliot Stabler would ever be inside of her, looking at her and telling her he loved her like the world was about to end, "I wish I could just take you away from here… that we could start new and… never look back." Elliot began to tremble slightly, "I… we can… we-"

"Elliot… you don't have to take me away from here to some new land so we can start this…" Olivia finally spoke, "We have lives here… you have your kids and…you know if we plan to be together then-"

"Then I plan to give you as many kids as you want," Elliot told her and she had to laugh, despite the situation they were in, "I'm not kidding… you know… we just gotta let this blow over. You're right," Elliot looked away for a moment and Olivia raised an eyebrow at him,

"Don't worry Honey I won't push that in your face right now, maybe later," Olivia teased him lightly, "I… should go back to the apartment though," She watched as Elliot's face fell in defeat but Olivia kissed him, bringing him back to her, "We have to be careful… just for now."

"Stay," Elliot pleaded to her, "I know you won't but… I have to ask you."

"Get to the precinct El… go see what they want and I will get safely to my place," Olivia's anxiety rose when she thought about being alone but she really had no choice at the moment. Olivia could tell by Elliot's facial expression that he was not happy with her idea. However they really had no choice at the moment. Elliot ran his hand through her hair before kissing her one last time, he removed himself from her and Olivia gave a sigh of emptiness.

"But what about breakfast?" Elliot said to her and that was when Olivia realized that the rest of it, had slowly burnt and she just rolled her eyes.

"I have seen you eat a plate of Eggs, Bacon, Sausage and toast within five minutes… I am sure that pancakes should be a piece of cake," Olivia could not help but be sad with the new revelations that had become. This was not the romantic breakfast that she had, had in mind. She joined Elliot for a cup of coffee before he left her, after getting called again from the Captain. Deciding to take all of her things, she called a Taxi before packing. Olivia did not want to leave Elliot's place since it had begun to feel like home to her. Perhaps it was due to the fact that it felt like she and Elliot fit perfectly there, in that world. Taking one last look, Olivia left the Townhouse to see a Taxi Cab waiting for her. As Olivia departed, she felt like something was terribly wrong but she ignored it.

PRECINT

Elliot was in Don Cragen's office when the photos were shown to him.

"You wanna explain to me why Kurt Moss is claiming that you and Olivia had been more then… partners for the past few years." The captain pointed to photos that showed Olivia going into Elliot's apartment and he swallowed hard.

"Captain, those were taken last night,"

"I know what a time stamp is Detective," The captain was grim, "Now I am not happy about any of this attempted rape bullshit and I personally want to see Moss prosecuted for what he did but when his lawyer came to me with this," The captain just shook his head, "Moss hired a private detective… which is actually legal believe it or not. Elliot, if you and Olivia are seeing one another… you know the rule… not interoffice relations, you two will be separated." Elliot just took in what the captain said, feeling his stomach tighten, he took in a deep breath.

"Captain… Liv and I are close… I will give you that but this 'us being together for years' is bullshit," Elliot stood up, "Moss is just trying to make Liv look bad,"

"Detective, has Olivia been staying with you?" The captain looked tired, more so then often.

"Since the assault, she has been too traumatized to stay alone… so yeah… she has stayed with me since," Elliot watched his captain, waiting to hear what Don Cragen had to say to this.

"I'm afraid… that due to these allegations one of you has to be transferred, under normal circumstances," The captain cleared his throat, "I am going to put Olivia on leave until this is over… as for you," The captain sighed, "Just be careful please…"

"Captain… Liv and I-" Elliot began but they were interrupted by the door opening, it was Fin looking rushed.

"We just got a call… its Liv," Fin was as pale as he had ever been and Elliot was out of the office, as if it was on fire.

"All units to…" The Captain was on his Walkie as Fin followed Elliot to accompany him to Olivia's.


	7. Chapter 7

AN: I own nothing.

Olivia's Apartment

Olivia trembled as she watched the mystery man, lay lifeless on the floor. She had no idea who he was but he had been in her apartment, waiting for her. Olivia luckily had her gun in her kitchen drawer, instinct took over and the man had been shot after a struggle. Everything seemed to be going in slow motion as the thoughts ran through Olivia's head. The voices seemed far away when people came rushing into her apartment. Elliot was the first one to get to her, even before the medical examiners, even his voice seemed far away. Olivia had gone somewhere else when she thought that this man was going to kill her, rape her… violate her. Elliot was talking to her and the medics were asking her questions but she could not stop staring at the man on the floor. She watched as someone checked the lifeless man, they shook their head at someone and Olivia knew what that meant. The man she had shot was gone. Dead… he did not even have a name… Olivia felt nothing as she was lifted onto a gurney, still thinking about how she had killed a man. It had been self defense but she had taken a life and it seemed to be the thing that broke whatever hold she had, had. Olivia Benson was somewhere else; her mind seemed to be on everything that was going on. The words spoken to her, refused to register in her brain.

Elliot's POV

Elliot had to stay strong; he had to keep himself together. Olivia was acting like she was somewhere else and it was scaring the living daylights out of him. Elliot blamed himself for leaving her alone, letting her go to her apartment alone. The idea of what could have happened made him sick to his stomach.

"He's cold," A medic said someone that Elliot did not recognize.

"Well this is her apartment, if detective Benson had to protect herself… she did what she had to," Captain Cragen looked around and then pointed to a glock on the floor, "I suspect that is the weapon used to stop her attacker," Elliot looked over and recognized the gun at once. It was Olivia's; it was the one she kept in the kitchen drawer.

"She's unresponsive," The young woman who was examining Olivia look at her partner, unaware that Elliot was about to have a conniption due to what she had just said.

"What does that mean?" Elliot's question made her look at him in a type of pitiful way, since it was clear to anyone what that meant. Olivia was not responding which meant she was in a state of shock. However, Elliot was not a detective at the moment who knew his ABC's, he was a man in desperate love for the woman next to him. The idea that she was not responding to anything, shook him to the core.

"It means we need to get her to the hospital," The medic was a young girl in her late 20's; she seemed wet behind the ears and able to break the news nicely to Elliot. Anyone else in the field long enough would have told him he should know unresponsive meant. Elliot held in the gasp when he saw the Gurney being brought in, he could not lose it, he was not able to lose it. He had to stay professional, completely professional and-

"Elliot… you're off the case completely, take care of her," The captain's words were low but loud enough for Elliot to hear loud and clear. If he could have thanked the Captain properly, he would have but instead he backed away so they could lift Olivia up.

"I'm riding with her," Elliot let them know and he hurried along, once Olivia was in the back of the ambulance. Holding her hand, Elliot prayed to God that Olivia would come out of this.

"Try talking to her," The young medic advised Elliot, reminding him to try to stay calm.

"Yeah…" Elliot felt a tear escape his eye, "Liv… Liv can you hear me?" Elliot waited but all he got back was a blank stare past him, "Liv… please come back." Elliot felt the tears begin to fall, "I'm sorry for losing it like this but come on Liv… you can do this. You can do this, I am here and I am not going anywhere."

"She should be fine," The young Medic assured Elliot, "Trauma victims tend to dissociate when it gets too bad,"

"I know," Elliot touched Olivia's cheek softly, "She's been through a lot lately…"

"Hey man, don't blame yourself," The Young Medic told him and he looked at her.

"How could you tell?" Elliot snorted, returning his eyes to Olivia.

"Because that is what people do when the person they love is hurt. They blame themselves, they think what they could have done or how they could have changed it," This young woman seemed to know her stuff and Elliot was grateful that she was there with him. He was actually grateful that he was not with a medic who was rough around the edges.

"I hear what you're saying… trust me I give the same speech a few times a day…" Elliot stared down at the Olivia who had a tear fall from the side of her eye, "She's crying,"

"That's not a bad sign," And they were silent the rest of the way to the hospital. Elliot watched as Olivia stayed the same, he hoped that she understood that he was right there. Never about to leave her ever again, despite what the Medic said, Elliot still felt like it was his entire fault. Well, not completely since he did not send that man to Olivia's apartment but he felt that he could have helped. Perhaps might have stopped it, the scenario's that ran through Elliot's head made him feel even more guilty but he could not stop, it was like a dam had broken.

"El?" Olivia's voice surprised him so much that he laughed, "Elliot?" Olivia sounded far away but he kissed her head.

"Liv… hey… you're back." Elliot caressed her cheek and she began to cry, allowing Elliot hold her as best as he could, "It's OK… Shh…. I'm right here," Elliot's voice broke as he told her this.

"Everything was all… dark… "Olivia's voice was soft and shaky, "Did I kill him?" Her question sounded like she already knew the answer, so she waited for confirmation.

"It was self defense Liv… we all know that." Elliot told her gently, "Did he hurt you?" Elliot did not want to know the answer, since he was afraid of what she might say but he braced himself.

"He… tried, there was a struggle… I went for my gun," Olivia shuddered, "I did not recognize him,"

"We're here," The medic spoke, "Hi Olivia, I'm Mary… you're going to be alright, you seem to have a great man," The back of the ambulance doors opened and Olivia squeezed Elliot's hand, "Among other things." Olivia was rolled into the hospital and Elliot followed, thanking God times a million.

**Short Chap I know but last one was a cliffy lol. PLEASE Review! They motivate me.**


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